My Issues

The choices that you make always have consequences.

I know that I have issues, I recognize those issues.  I have a fear of intimacy.  This stems from all of the disappointment that I have encountered in my life time.  Every time I have opened up to someone and let them in I have regretted it later.  In addition to that, I always want those who don't want me, and push away the ones who do.  These are text book Daddy issues.  I know that I have these issues and I recognize them, but that does not make them any easier to deal with.  So with that I am going to really try my best to beat these issues.  I mean I am a far better person then I was even two years ago but I still have a lot of work to do in becoming the person that I want to be.  I know that I have caused my share of hurt to others but know I do not do things maliciously, I just really do not know how to deal with emotions.  I am so afraid to allow myself to feel, so I push away anyone that might make me feel.  While I am pushing away those who love me, I am chasing those who don't want me because acceptance is so important to me.  I guess I need to have more respect for me as a person.  You might ask why are you posting something so intimate on such a public forum?  I am doing this so those I have hurt might better understand me.  I am truly sorry to anyone who I may have hurt.  Let's just say that I have not had the  easiest life or the greatest luck with love.   I am not making excuses just hope that this can help some of you better understand who I am.